Our romantic relationships can be our most significant source of joy and fulfillment. But unfortunately, they can also be incredibly distressing. When things aren’t going well in our romantic relationships, we often feel distressed. You may feel desperate to get your partner to understand something about your experience in the relationship. It can feel like you have the same fight or disagreement over and over again. You might even feel hopeless that your partner will ever see things from your perspective. You wonder, “If things don’t change, can I stay in this relationship?” 

Should I Do Couples Therapy

When you no longer feel like you can reach your partner, couples counseling can help. Couples counseling provides a space for both partners to communicate their frustrations, needs, worries, and hopes in a nonjudgmental space. If you find that your attempts to solve the issue at home result in a blow-out fight or silence, couples counseling can help. Couples counseling will foster an environment where both parties feel heard. It provides a safe to share. Your therapist will introduce alternative methods of communicating to your partner, so they can finally understand your experience in the relationship. Your therapist can also help identify patterns that lead to gridlock issues (the same issue arising repeatedly).

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Of course, the question that most couples have is: “Does couples therapy really work?” The American Psychological Association reports that modern methods in couples therapy are roughly 75% effective. If you have tried couples counseling in the past and have not had success, it is essential to consider what didn’t go well. And what you are looking for in your next therapeutic experience. 

I aim to go beyond the surface of communication strategies in my practice. I also help couples identify core schemas, or ways of thinking, that lead to difficulties in their relationships. I allow each partner take accountability for their role in their relationship. Examine challenges through examining their early attachment relationships, family systems, and cognitive distortions.

What if I'm not sure if I want to do couples counseling?  Or my partner is not sure?

This is not uncommon. In fact, it is so common that there is a specific type of counseling for this predicament.  You will not have good results if you enter couples work with one or both partners leaning out.  This is where Discernment counseling comes in. Discernment counseling is a type of brief (5 session maximum) couples therapy designed for couples who are uncertain whether they want to continue their relationship. Discernment counseling is used in cases where one partner wants to terminate the relationship while the other hopes to maintain it. This type of therapy aims to help partners consider all options before they decide to work on or end a relationship. 

Couples considering ending their relationship or getting a divorce but not knowing if ending the relationship is the right decision for them may find it helpful to consider their options and the potential outcomes of these options with a therapist who practices discernment counseling.