Is It an Eating Disorder or a Phase? A Guide for Milwaukee Parents of Teens and Young Adults

By Deva Murphy, MSW, LCSW, eating disorder therapist at Shoreside Therapies in Milwaukee

Your teen or young adult has started "eating healthier." They're exercising more, cutting out certain foods, talking about being more disciplined. Part of you is proud of them. Part of you has a knot in your stomach that won't go away. Is this a phase, or is it the start of an eating disorder?

Here's what I look for, and what I'd want every parent in the Milwaukee area to know, whether your child is in high school, in college, or just starting out on their own.

The early signs parents usually miss

One of the biggest things I see in teenagers is that early eating-disorder behaviors can initially look like behaviors our culture praises. A teen might suddenly become interested in "eating healthier," exercising more, cutting out certain foods, or wanting to be more disciplined. At first, that may not seem concerning.

What I pay attention to is the rigidity and anxiety underneath the behavior:

• Are there more and more food rules?
• Are they eliminating foods they previously enjoyed?
• Do they become distressed if the family eats somewhere that doesn't fit their "healthy" plan?
• Are they skipping meals, eating noticeably smaller portions, checking their body frequently, or exercising even when they're exhausted, injured, or don't have time?

Parents may also notice changes that don't immediately seem related to food: irritability, withdrawing from friends, difficulty concentrating, increased anxiety, or avoiding events where food may be involved.

It's also important to know that you cannot tell whether someone has an eating disorder simply by looking at their body. A teenager can be struggling medically or psychologically with an eating disorder without looking noticeably different.

"Healthy eating" or something to worry about?

For me, a big distinction is flexibility versus rigidity.

A teen can care about nutrition and still eat pizza with their friends, have dessert, eat something spontaneously, or miss a workout without significant distress. Food is one part of their life rather than something organizing their entire life.

I'd become more concerned when "healthy eating" starts narrowing your teenager's world. Maybe there are increasingly strict rules about ingredients, calories, portions, timing, or which foods are acceptable. They might feel guilt after eating certain foods, or feel they need to compensate through restriction or exercise.

So I'm less interested in whether a particular food choice is technically "healthy," and more interested in what happens when your teen can't follow the food rule. Their emotional response can tell us a lot.

What parents have usually tried before they call

Usually they've tried talking to their teen themselves. They may have encouraged them to eat more, reassured them about their appearance, made their favorite foods, monitored what they're eating, or tried to reason with them about why their behaviors aren't "healthy."

Sometimes that works temporarily. But parents often call when they realize that logic and reassurance aren't really changing what's happening. Their teen may say, "I'm fine," or insist they're eating enough, while the parents keep feeling that something isn't right.

That instinct is worth paying attention to. You know your teen well. You don't need definitive proof of an eating disorder before asking a professional to help you understand what you're seeing.

How to bring it up with your teen

Lead with observations and concern rather than accusations. Something like:

"I've noticed you've been skipping breakfast more often and you seem really anxious around dinner lately. I've also noticed you're not going out with your friends as much. I'm concerned about you, and I want to understand what's going on."

Try to stay curious rather than immediately trying to convince them that something is "wrong."

Avoid focusing on weight or appearance, with comments like "You look too thin" or "You don't need to lose weight." Even when they're meant as reassurance, those comments can reinforce the idea that appearance is the measure of whether someone is okay.

And if your teen gets defensive, that doesn't mean the conversation failed. You're opening a door. You can say, "You don't have to agree with me right now, but I care about you, and it's important that we keep talking about this."

What we see here in the Milwaukee area

Some of what I see locally reflects what we see nationally, but a few things stand out.

Sports. Wisconsin has a strong sports culture, and athletics can be a really positive part of your teen's life. In certain sports, though, messages about body size, performance, conditioning, or "clean eating" can make disordered behaviors harder to recognize. That's especially true in endurance sports (running, swimming), aesthetic sports (gymnastics, dance, ballet, figure skating), and weight-sensitive sports (wrestling, rowing).

Academic pressure. Many of the teens I work with are conscientious, high-achieving kids. That doesn't cause an eating disorder by itself, but traits like perfectionism, rigidity, and a strong drive to succeed can become intertwined with food, exercise, and body image.

The seasons. Wisconsin winters change activity levels and routines, while spring and summer can bring more appearance pressure around clothing and bodies. None of these cause eating disorders on their own, but they're part of the environment our teens live in, and they can shape how a teen experiences their body.

If your child is a young adult or in college

Everything above applies to young adults too. Eating disorders often start or intensify in the late teens and early twenties, when structure changes fast: a first year at college, a new job, living alone, or a sport that suddenly gets more competitive.

The hard part for parents is that you see less. You might only notice changes over a video call, on a weekend visit, or when they come home for break. Pay attention to what's different from one visit to the next: skipped family meals, new food rules, more exercise, less energy, pulling away from friends, or a lot of anxiety about coming home for the holidays.

Once your child is 18, they make their own health care decisions, so your role shifts from deciding to encouraging. The same approach still works: share what you've noticed, stay curious, and offer to help them find someone to talk to. Offering to cover the cost or make the first call can lower the barrier more than any argument will.

Shoreside sees young adults in person at our Milwaukee office and online across Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Illinois, so a college student doesn't have to come home to get started. And a student who is already working with Deva can keep going after they leave for school, as long as they're attending college in one of those states.

When "wait and see" stops being okay

I'd rather evaluate your teen or young adult and find out they don't need eating-disorder treatment than wait until the behaviors become more serious and ingrained.

Reach out for professional guidance if you're seeing:

• Persistent restriction, or rapid or significant changes in eating
• Binge eating or purging
• Compulsive exercise
• Growing anxiety around food
• Withdrawal from normal activities
• Physical symptoms like dizziness, fainting, weakness, feeling unusually cold, or menstrual changes

With teenagers especially, early intervention matters. You don't need to wait for your teen to meet every diagnostic criterion, or to look visibly underweight, before taking this seriously.

If there are signs of medical instability, such as fainting, chest pain, significant weakness, dehydration, or confusion, get a prompt medical evaluation from your teen's doctor, urgent care, or the emergency room rather than waiting for a therapy appointment.

Getting help in Milwaukee

If something feels off, you don't have to figure it out alone. Shoreside offers eating disorder therapy in Milwaukee for teens, young adults, and adults, in person in Milwaukee and online across Wisconsin. Deva Murphy, MSW, LCSW works with teens, young adults, and their families.

If your teen is stepping down from a higher level of care, read what outpatient eating disorder care looks like after IOP or PHP.

Start with a free 15-minute consultation. Tell us what you're seeing, and we'll help you figure out the next step.

This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for medical or mental health care.